So proud of that Ed
So proud of that Ed
Just to set the record here this is random and my thoughts are going too fast to think or feel…
Read at your own risk..
I know I have not been here on my tumblr page for just about a year.
The reason being is one factor starting last September 2013 by having half of my liver removed. And the other half healing and not really up to doing or wanting to to do pretty much to nothing.
In May 2014 it all started with my girlfriend dieing and burials havent stopped. 6 to be honest from Family members to friends.
So my life situation has felt like fucking hell. Living and feeling like if one more phone call or text came in it will send your mind into space and explode. Heart a racing ..tears falling it hasnt stopped as if it was like a damn rain storm filling up the gutter thats clogged with last years leafs.
One week ago again another fucking text. But this time it shattered me to the bone. If you have ever felt so alone but yet so suffocated by hugs you could puke.
This text contained this “so was Teresa (my sister) in a car accident? ” this came from my younger sister who doesnt live in the same area as I do. So instantly I freaked out.
Let me tell you the reason why…
1989 my two sisters Teresa and Karen were in a fatal car accident along with Karens first baby Justin which he was 2 years old, a careless bitch high on fucking drugs crossed over to on coming traffic going 72 mph hit my family head on while they entred into the intersection and headed for home. Killed my baby sister Karen at age 20. Her spine busted like a tooth pick in 3 areas face wiped off her body like as if it was melted butter. She had beautiful blonde hair literally scalped off her head. My other sister Teresa had about equal injuries but had to be cut out of my Audi.
While my nephew witnessed his mom get impacted by this fucking bitch who had no cares to anyone or anything but was going to get to her destination. And On that day my whole life will nor ever be normal or be fine.
So I will take you back to this text message I received and immediately started calling other family to see if this was true. Cuz to me it felt like 1989. November 6th to be exact.
Calling that last person and telling me it was true. I fell to my knees and didnt think I could raise up evrr again, or be strong, and be diligent and face this again with the help and grace of god, with a heart of a child that had so many unanswered questions or reasons to how could this happen again. Just top it off with body numbness that hurt.
ICU trama has got to be the most irry fucking spot in a hospital. Not to mention the gore.
So here I am again sitting here rambling as to why the fuck so many family and friends this year within 4 months leave this world or be stricken with harm?
Im tired of seeing all this bullshit that people say, Oh God wont give you anything you cant handle”, who in the fucking hell came up with that one?
Sounds to me they need a taste of my summer.
But as I look around and see so many strangers talk and even facebook posts of friends sharing others status that I am not alone this year.
It must be the year to either die or be born.
Lets face it it sucks.
The bad news is..
Nothing lasts forever
The good news is
Nothing lasts forever.
Life is so damn short for fuck sakes
Just do what makes you happy.
Because tomorrows ground is to uncertain for plans and the future have a way of falling apart in mid flight.
With every goodbye you learn
You certainly learn.